Burnout and lack of support can lead to elder abuse

Recently, a news headline focused the public’s attention to the distressing case of a Toronto man being accused of keeping his elderly mother in an unheated garage. The report had many groups calling for action – saying it's time for elder abuse to be given the same attention that child abuse and anti-violence groups have had. According to the Ontario Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (http://www.onpea.org/), elder abuse is defined as: “a single or repeated acts, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within a relationship where there is an expectation of trust, which causes harm or distress to an older person.” 

“Who are you and how did you get into my house?” “I am sorry it happened again and I couldn’t help it!” “Please don’t lock me in, I promise I won’t go anywhere.” These are outlandish but sometimes real statements made by older adults who have experienced abuse.

Elder abuse has many faces and can occur in different forms – often times the victims don’t even realize it’s happening to them. Why do incidences like this occur? What causes us to make a precarious decision that could ultimately have a life-altering outcome?

One of the causes of elder abuse can be a lack of support for family caregivers. In Canada, one in four family caregivers say they receive no help. The average family caregiver spends four years providing care and devotes 20 hours per week caring for a loved one. There is no vacation time, rescheduling or pay, for that matter – it’s an act of love that no one can fathom unless you have been a family caregiver yourself. 

The Canadian Institute for Health Information (CIHI) estimates the economic contribution of informal elder care at $25 billion a year. While 76 percent of caregivers feel rewarded, one in six experiences distress. Since family caregivers are the fastest growing non-profession in health care, it’s important to identify those who may be feeling overwhelmed, stressed or experiencing burnout. How do we recognize the signs of distress? How can we help prevent someone from innocently reaching the boiling point?

In my opinion, it’s vital that we help the millions of family caregivers across the country – the vast supportive arm of home and community care – and recognize the warnings signs of caregiver burnout:

• Ranting about insignificant things such as the mailman putting mail upside down in the mailbox.
• Becoming impatient and irritated by little things or snapping at family members.
• Changes in sleep patterns and problems falling asleep – or just look tired and run down. 
• Changes in eating habits, including not preparing meals, skipping meals or losing weight.
• Neglecting personal needs – which could be physical, emotional or social – and hearing family caregivers   say, “Don’t worry, I’m OK.”
• Seeing they are exhausted and overwhelmed, but not recognizing it. 

What can we do to help?

• Listen to what family caregivers are not saying – not many people take pride saying “I can’t cope.”
• Insist and don’t just offer to help them. For instance, prepare dinner and clean up afterward.
• Put tools into place that will help you, such as assistive equipment and devices or even home renovations. 
• Hire some extra help.

I personally witnessed how being a caregiver to my ailing father took a toll on my mother, and understand the anguish it can cause. There are many family caregivers just like you. However, a little extra help can make a big difference – don’t feel like you have to do it alone. We need to protect the generation that cared for and raised us, and ensure they don’t feel vulnerable – least of all someone we love. Always remember that if you ever feel like you’re close to that “boiling point,” pick up the phone and ask for help.